What if everything you thought you had to be… was a lie?

What if the blueprint you were handed—by your parents, your culture, your entire upbringing—wasn’t meant for you at all?

For so many of us, the idea of success wasn’t discovered—it was assigned. We didn’t choose our path; it was paved for us before we even knew we had options. And in the process, many of us lost touch with who we truly are.

That’s exactly what happened to Kathleen Ahern. Her story, recently featured on the It’s Your Story to Tell podcast, is a powerful reminder of what happens when the pressure to meet expectations becomes greater than the permission to be yourself.

The Weight of Expectations

Kathleen grew up in a culture where success had a clear, non-negotiable definition: medicine or nursing. Anything less was unacceptable. In high school, she confided her dream of becoming a writer—only to be told, “No, you have to be a nurse.” That moment planted a seed of disconnection. Her identity became tethered to a version of success she never chose.

And this isn’t just Kathleen’s story. It’s the story of so many people who grew up in environments—cultural, familial, religious—where identity was shaped not by self-exploration but by obligation.

Grades had to be perfect. Achievement was everything. Emotional connection took a back seat to performance. The pressure was clear: be exceptional or be invisible.

The Hidden Trauma of Losing Yourself

We often associate trauma with a singular catastrophic event, but trauma can also be subtle and cumulative—like the slow erosion of your identity in pursuit of someone else’s dream. Living a life that isn’t yours chips away at your self-worth, often leaving you burned out, anxious, and unsure of who you really are.

Kathleen recalled forging her mother’s signature in elementary school, around 8 years old to hide a failed assignment—a moment driven by deep fear and shame. It wasn’t just about grades—it was about survival in a system where love and validation were often conditional.

 After nursing school, she was accepted into a prestigious cardiac nurse residency program—on track to become what she had decided to pursue after her dream of being a writer was dismissed. She moved and took the next step toward becoming a Pediatric Cardiac Nurse Practitioner. But as she took that next step, it felt off. On the outside, she was achieving everything she was supposed to. On the inside, she felt empty—successful by the world’s standards, but deeply disconnected from herself.  

Until one day, she stepped onto the telemetry unit and realized: “I can’t do this anymore.”

And so began her journey—not just of leaving a job, but of coming home to herself.

Trauma, Neurodivergence, and the Messy Middle

Kathleen’s story doesn’t stop at cultural expectations or career burnout. As she began her healing journey through coaching, as she navigated finding the help she needed after receiving an ADHD diagnosis. And it changed everything.

Many people wonder: Can ADHD be a trauma response? The answer is layered — and deeply important to explore.

ADHD vs. Trauma Symptoms — Or Both?

ADHD is typically understood as a neurodevelopmental condition with genetic and biological roots. But trauma—especially chronic, relational, or developmental trauma—can create very similar symptoms:

• Difficulty focusing
• Impulsivity
• Emotional dysregulation
• Restlessness
• Disorganization and overwhelm

Why? Because trauma disrupts brain development, particularly in the prefrontal cortex and nervous system regulation, the same areas impacted by ADHD. For some people, trauma can mimic ADHD, while for others, both exist together, often feeding into each other in a cycle of stress, shame, and exhaustion.

This is why Kathleen’s journey matters so much—because so many people are walking around thinking they’re lazy, broken, or undisciplined… when in reality, they’re either neurodivergent, carrying trauma patterns, or both.

And healing doesn’t start with fixing—it starts with understanding.

Coaching Through the Lens of Compassion and Nervous System Safety

Kathleen’s turning point came shortly after receiving her ADHD diagnosis—a moment that finally gave language to years of overwhelm, burnout, and emotional exhaustion. It was a moment of clarity, but also confusion. Understanding why things felt so hard didn’t automatically make them easier.

That’s when her doctor—seeing the full picture of her neurodivergence, chronic stress, and disconnect from her true self—offered a different kind of prescription: coaching.

It wasn’t another medication. It wasn’t just more talk therapy. It was a practical, body-based, compassionate approach to healing—one that recognized that ADHD and trauma don’t live only in the mind, but in the nervous system and lived experience.

And that recommendation changed everything.

Through coaching, Kathleen finally found a space where she wasn’t just seen for her symptoms—but for her strengths, her sensitivities, her story. For the first time, she wasn’t trying to fit into a system that didn’t understand her—she was building one that honored how she was wired.

That powerful transformation inspired her to become a coach herself. She took what had once felt like fractured pieces—her natural love for helping people, her clinical background as a nurse, and her own lived experience navigating trauma and neurodivergence—and brought them together to create a support model that actually works.

She went on to earn her nurse coaching certification, and now she supports others who are walking a similar path—those who feel like they’ve done all the “right” things, but still feel disconnected from themselves.

And perhaps most beautifully, she’s also embracing the passion she was once told to let go of: writing. The dream she abandoned in high school is now part of her everyday life—creating content, developing tools, and using her voice to help others heal.

Nothing in her journey has been wasted—it’s all been integrated.
What once felt like detours have become the very foundations of her calling.

• Somatic practices to regulate the nervous system and build internal safety
• Gentle structure that supports executive function challenges without shame
• Mindset shifts that promote self-compassion, not self-criticism
• Dopamine-based tools like the Dopa Menu to restore joy, momentum, and motivation

Because lasting change doesn’t come from force. It comes from safety, self-awareness, and support that works with your brain—not against it.

One of Her Favorite Tools: The Dopa Menu

A Dopa Menu is a personalized list of simple, feel-good activities that help increase dopamine—a brain chemical linked to motivation, focus, pleasure, and momentum. It’s especially helpful for individuals navigating ADHD, trauma recovery, burnout, or low motivation, because it gives your brain the stimulation it needs to move through resistance in a gentle, enjoyable way.

When dopamine levels are low—whether due to neurodivergence, chronic stress, or emotional overwhelm—tasks that normally feel easy can feel exhausting. A Dopa Menu helps you build micro-moments of reward and satisfaction, which re-energize the nervous system and support your ability to follow through on daily tasks or healing goals.

Think of it as a nervous system-friendly motivation tool—a way to give your brain a boost without shame or pressure.

How to Create Your Own Dopa Menu:

1. Brainstorm small activities that bring you joy, calm, or energy.
2. Group them by time/effort level—quick boosts, mid-level resets, and deep nourishment.
3. Keep the list somewhere visible, and choose from it anytime you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected.

You’re not forcing motivation—you’re inviting it in through pleasure, play, and presence.

Example Dopa Menu:

• Step outside and feel the sun
• Dance to one favorite song
• Cold splash of water on your face
• Text a friend a funny meme
• Scented essential oils or candles
• Take 3 deep grounding breaths

• Journaling or a brain dump
• Nature walk or short drive
• Tea + music in a cozy corner
• Reading or watching something inspiring
• Organizing a drawer or small space

• Creative hobbies (writing, painting, music)
• Tech-free time
• Breathwork or somatic movement class
• Emotional processing through voice notes or coaching
• Rest without guilt

Keep your Dopa Menu visible — on your fridge, in your journal, or as a phone note — and use it before burnout sets in. Think of it as a nervous system safety net.

Whose Life Are You Living?

• What parts of your life were chosen for you, not by you?
• Where have you been performing, instead of truly belonging?
• What would happen if you gave yourself permission to dream again?

Whether your story includes cultural expectations, misdiagnosed ADHD, trauma responses, or all of the above—your identity isn’t lost. It’s waiting beneath the layers of performance and pain.

You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
 You’re not behind. You’re unfolding.
 And your story—yes, your story—is still being written.

Want to Go Deeper?

✔ Listen to Kathleen’s full story on The It’s Your Story to Tell Podcast.

Podcast Episode Part 1

Podcast Episode Part 2

✔ Create your own Dopa Menu and begin supporting your nervous system in a whole new way.

Healing isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about coming home to who you were always meant to be.